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　　hi!I'mZhaoZiwen.?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????Iwasahappyboy.BecauseIhadahappyfamily.but,I'mveryverysadnow.Why?Becausemydadisn'thealth.hedrinksalcoholeveryday.heisangryeveryday.Mymomissad,too.SoIgrowupcan'tdrinkalcohol,Ican't!?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????I'monly13old,butI'mclever.Ihaveanobledream!IwantgoAmerica!Iwanttogotohavord!I'mconfident!HaHa!???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????MybirthdayisinJuly.Ilovebuildingblocks.Myfavoritefoodishamburger!Iwanthavealooktheworld.Theveryverylargeworld!
　　修改后：
　　Hi!I'mZhaoZiwen.?MybirthdayisinJuly.Ilovebuildingblocks.Myfavoritefoodishamburgers!??????
　　Iwasahappyboy?becauseIhadahappyfamily.?ButI'mveryverysadnow.Why?Becausemydadisn'thealthy.?Hedrinksalcoholeveryday.?Heisangryeveryday.Mymomissad,too.Iwon'tdrinkalcoholwhenIgrowup.Iwon't!??
　　I'monly13yearsold,butI'mclever.Ihaveanobledream!IwanttogotoAmerica!IwanttogotoHarvard!I'mconfident!HaHa!????
　　Iwanthavealooktheworld.Theveryverylargeworld!
　　修改教師：Andy老師
　　六年級(jí):趙子文 ——作文培訓(xùn)，作文投稿，閱讀寫作能力提升，就來易優(yōu)作文。