Some people suggest that there should be restrictions on a detailed description of crimes in the newspapers and on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree? 有人建議對于報紙和電視上犯罪細(xì)節(jié)的報道應(yīng)該加以限制,你在多大程度上同意這個觀點?
【寫作立場】
我支持對于犯罪細(xì)節(jié)報道的審查,但是對如預(yù)防犯罪以及加強自我保護應(yīng)該宣傳。
【思路拓展】
為何應(yīng)該限制對于犯罪細(xì)節(jié)的報道
過度犯罪細(xì)節(jié)的報道會提高犯罪率,導(dǎo)致社會的不穩(wěn)定。
一些人從犯罪細(xì)節(jié)的報道中學(xué)習(xí)到了犯罪的方法 ,破案的細(xì)節(jié),尤其是一些刑事犯罪,因此,犯罪細(xì)節(jié)的報道某種程度上起到教唆犯罪的作用。
為何不該限制對于犯罪細(xì)節(jié)的報道
因為對于犯罪細(xì)節(jié)的報道的初衷是提醒公眾,所以關(guān)于如何預(yù)防犯罪,教育公眾加強自我保護,有報道的必要。例如新型的網(wǎng)絡(luò)犯罪,手機詐騙。 中小學(xué)生語文題庫,中小學(xué)學(xué)生語文試卷,就來<A http://www.zequeka.cn/yuweNtiku/>易優(yōu)語文題庫</a>。
范文賞析
【首段】 背景介紹 + 爭議焦點 + 寫作立場
Currently, modern people are often exposed to detailed depictions of various anti-social offences in newspapers or televisions, which has become a sort of feature of commercialized mass media. There is no consensus among people as to whether it should strictly censor detailed description of crimes. Personally speaking, the reportages of violations should be strictly controlled whereas the ways of preventing some crimes should be introduced.
【二段】為何應(yīng)該限制對于犯罪細(xì)節(jié)的報道
Granted, convincing arguments can be explored to justify the idea of implementing strict control on the descriptions of criminalities. For one thing, those criminal descriptions exert great negative impacts on the teenagers. So immature and curious are many youngsters that they tend to blindly duplicate those crimes they see on television, which might lead them to embark on the criminal road. For another, as for many potential offenders, some skills of committing crimes could be learned from the introductions of crimes. Specifically, some habitual violators have access to criminal skills and even the police’s detective methods from television programs and newspapers’ stories about crimes.
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【三段】為何不該限制對于犯罪細(xì)節(jié)的報道
Nevertheless, it is not wise to abolish all the reportages on crimes. Some proper and timely crime exposure are still of great necessity. The original purpose of crime introductions is to educate and remind the public. It is easier for people to be away from the harmfulness of new offences and strengthen their self-protection awareness if they are familiar with the means of malefactions. To illustrate, with the development of high technology, on-line crime is becoming prevailing, numerous violators have been carrying out on-line fraud. Some crime groups are now spreading delusive lottery-winning information via the Internet to reap fabulous profits illegally, therefore, the successive revelation of on-line fraud will warn people against offences like this.
【尾段】重申立場
Overall, it is my viewpoint that detailed reportage of various crimes should be restrained or even canceled, especially criminal offences, however, the emphasis should be put on educating the public on how to avoid the violations of various malefactions.
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【點評】
本文為由雅思 外籍寫作專家付費修改,得分7.5。本篇四處細(xì)節(jié)錯誤已經(jīng)改寫,特別和同學(xué)分享,希望可以拋磚引玉。
7.5 分項說明
Task achievement
• covers all requirements of the task sufficiently
• presents, highlights and illustrates key features/ bullet points clearly and appropriately
Coherence and cohesion
• sequences information and ideas logically
• manages all aspects of cohesion well
• uses paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately
Lexical resource
• uses a wide range of vocabulary fluently and flexibly to convey precise meanings
• skillfully uses uncommon lexical items but there may be occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation
• produces rare errors in spelling and/or word formation
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Grammatical range and accuracy
• uses a wide range of structures
• the majority of sentences are error-free
• makes only very occasional errors or inappropriacies
總評
This is a convincing presentation. The structure is standard. These simple errors should be addressed. The introduction is well developed. Your stand about the topic is understood.
You have presented good views in the main body. The second paragraph ably discusses why such exhibition of crimes should be abolished. The explanations are convincing. The third paragraph explains why such instances of crimes should be aired. The cohesion is good. The paragraphs are well linked. The conclusion you have made is well developed in relation to the discussion and topic.
This is a good discussion. The subject matter is relevant. The structure is good. The simple errors can be addressed. Your language usage is good.