文書批改：Common PS。綜合點(diǎn)評(píng)及批改意見(jiàn)：這是一篇COMMON PS，因?yàn)槠^(guò)長(zhǎng)，需要做精簡(jiǎn)，最好將篇幅控制在750字左右。文中包含太多的對(duì)話，其實(shí)沒(méi)有什么意義，而且使文章主題也不很明顯，因此建議刪掉。另外，PS中一定要將自己平時(shí)在學(xué)校的學(xué)習(xí)經(jīng)歷寫進(jìn)去，這才是重點(diǎn)。文章中的簡(jiǎn)單句用的還不錯(cuò)，但用得過(guò)多，建議適當(dāng)增加一些長(zhǎng)句。
原文：
I could not tell Kitty my sadness. I just see the photos about Kitty ever and ever again, I even cannot distinguish the day or night. I lost the closer friend, lost and could not retrieve. Tear stream, down my face.
"Kitty, come here!" I was sitting on the sofa and eating popcorn."
"No!" she closes her eyes after glances lazily toward to me.
"Kitty!Do not stare me like that."I was grumbling.
Kitty pouted, her eyes showed the sense of innocent. I was freaking out. Was that my fault? She ignored me first.
I was full of anger. Kitty maybe sniffed some weird smell dispersed in the air. She jumped on my legs.
"I am sorry, I know you are the best person in my world."She fawned.
Do people think Kitty is a human-being? If she is a human, the reason for jump on my legs is ridiculous.But if she is not a human, the reason why she can talk to me? It”s unreasonable. In fact, Kitty was my cat. She was my companion since I was self-sensible.She stayed with me constantly when I was in an intolerable situation. The atrovirenseyes that belong to her was stared me while I was talking. She is my dutiful listener and the best object to keep my secret. Everyone around me thought i was doing such a ridiculous behavior, talk to a pet. No one believe me that I can get words back from Kitty”s fascinate eyes.
Once, after classes were over. I cried heavily on my way to home. Passerby stared me with baffling sights from time to time. I felt myself was an ignorant clown. I locked my room”s door, when I went back to home. My eyes were red, even could comparable with rabbits”. I suffered the injustice from heart. Kitty appeared beside my body. Ihugged her tightly, like this is the only thing that I have.
"Sweetie. Why people do not believe me, even my parents? They should know me. Iam…am not cheating, not, I swear.Iam wronged."I weep like a litter girl, with pain and humiliation.
"I believe in you. You won”t cheating, there must have some misunderstanding conditions.So don”t worry, you own your conscience."Her stimulate sight let me felt warmer, but she might not know, the more comfort, the more grievous I endured.
My mood was susceptive, I had been crying until the sun rose. Incredibly, Kitty was companying me all night. As I came to the senses, I thought thoroughly. As Kitty said, I was victim.Ishouldknow my own personality. I will admit and apologize if I do something wrong. On the contrary, I won”t take the partial result. And I deserve people”s trust. In the last, my friend withstood the guilty of framing me up and the mistake she did.She confessed the whole process and apologized to me.
Icannot wait to tell her about the good news. "Kitty, Kitty, Kitty.Do not play hide-and-seek with me."I found her here and there. Eventually, I found a note on the table, the note said "Kitty is in the hospital where we used to."Why Kitty was in the hospital? What happened to her? She looked vibrant yesterday. There were plenty of questions emerged in my mind. I was out of breath when I arrived in hospital. My kitty was lying on the table to dying. "Did the cat have uncommon reactive these days? For example, it hardly to eat or it walked without balance."Doctor asked me. "Yes, it ate least than usual and lazier, but it walked easily, never staggered."I evoked memories, thenanswered. Finally, Kitty died.
Forgetting the hurt was not easy, Iblamed myself about carelessly these days before Kitty”s death. "If only Kitty was not died," I constantly thought.
"If only Kitty was not died," I would tell her how hurt I bear.
"If only Kitty was not died," I would not be lonely when nobody in home except me.
"If only Kitty was not died," I would always have a faithful audience. She could keep my secrets no matter what situations were.
Whatever I do, she was never retrieve. I could not accept the fact about Kitty”s death at the beginning. I was unable to help myself to release from Kitty”s death. Kitty is just a pet in other people”s eyes, but she is my bosom friend in the deep of my heart. I renerved when I recognized that Kitty was not willing to see me live decadently.
I started to make friends, to be outcome, to acknowledge the skill about communicate with others. I was not lock myself in the self- centered world. I am exploding the rest of life step by step. I am overseas to boost and training myself, make distinct experiences just belong to me. Looking back, I still remember a wordless, innocent and boneless girl. How far that girl has grown; now, an independent, enthusiasm, resilient, caring girl was generated. That is me, after remould.
TPO小站綜合點(diǎn)評(píng)及批改意見(jiàn)：
總的來(lái)說(shuō)，這是一篇COMMON PS，因此篇幅過(guò)長(zhǎng)，需要做精簡(jiǎn)。文中包含太多的對(duì)話，其實(shí)沒(méi)有什么意義，建議刪掉。另外，非常重要的一點(diǎn)是文章主題不是很明顯，一定要將自己平時(shí)在學(xué)校的經(jīng)歷寫進(jìn)去。就語(yǔ)法來(lái)說(shuō)，文章中的簡(jiǎn)單句用的還不錯(cuò)，建議適當(dāng)增加一些長(zhǎng)句，一些動(dòng)詞的用法也需要靈活運(yùn)用。建議以積極向上為寫作主線，可以強(qiáng)調(diào)KITTY的事情之后，你重新出發(fā)，尋找生活的亮點(diǎn)。最好建議將文章的篇幅盡量控制在750字左右。因?yàn)锳O并不想看到過(guò)長(zhǎng)的篇幅，短小精悍是最好的
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