雅思 作文這樣批，你懂的---系列一
在執(zhí)教雅思寫(xiě)作的這些年中，我會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)，很多時(shí)候?qū)W生會(huì)從某某老師那里獲取種種所謂的“黃金模板”，又或者是高舉考前必備一本，視若雅思界的圣經(jīng)。而不去管什么“碰文”。而最最難過(guò)的卻是分?jǐn)?shù)不給力，換個(gè)方式學(xué)吧，看看隔壁的“他”的作文中那些錯(cuò)誤的背后是否隱藏了寫(xiě)作的某些玄機(jī)。
請(qǐng)看下面這個(gè)小作文的開(kāi)頭段，看似行文流水，實(shí)則欲哭無(wú)淚。
As can be seen from the table chart, it gives us the percentage of national consumer experience by category in 2002 in five different countries.談及套句，小作文中“As can be seen from…”曾被列為小作文必備佳句，而孰不知此句雖好，但native speaker 常把它放在主體段落開(kāi)頭句。若論行文習(xí)慣，實(shí)在勉強(qiáng)。再者，“table chart”必會(huì)讓考官在批卷的疲勞中會(huì)心一笑。但是烤鴨們，不知啊，你讓他笑，他卻讓你人比黃花瘦，盡管他是那樣的愛(ài)你。此短語(yǔ)翻譯成中文叫“表格圖”，考生自是覺(jué)得挺有中國(guó)風(fēng)的感覺(jué)。但考官會(huì)認(rèn)為是“這table就是表格，也就是圖的一種，還后面要是再加一chart，再來(lái)一圖。實(shí)為“black sheep 一族”啊!南部陳更要翻譯成“表格圖圖”?實(shí)在是具有喜感啊!再論“us”一詞，感覺(jué)倒是親民派系， 考官考生一家人啊。但是，雅思寫(xiě)作，半學(xué)術(shù)文體，這詞總有點(diǎn)較為隨意。所以，寧為被動(dòng)，隱去施動(dòng)者，換成it can be seen ,或是it represents that 等句，或許會(huì)更好點(diǎn)?？忌顭o(wú)辜的地方就是下面的這個(gè)percentage。我們都知道，衣服表格不可能只有全圖一個(gè)數(shù)據(jù)，又怎會(huì)遺忘名詞單復(fù)數(shù)的問(wèn)題呢?最后那個(gè)“in 2002 in five different countries”，感覺(jué)起來(lái)好似是信息滿滿，不知道是否也是信心滿滿?語(yǔ)法老師告訴我們：當(dāng)句子中同時(shí)有地點(diǎn)狀語(yǔ)和時(shí)間狀語(yǔ)時(shí),一般要把地點(diǎn)狀語(yǔ)放在時(shí)間狀語(yǔ)之前 。要知道，不走尋常路，那是考官的作風(fēng)?？忌且策@樣做，哭泣大于微笑。 蘇州易優(yōu)閱讀寫(xiě)作精華課，（tel:181-1815-9898）有趣、有用、提分快
基于上述段落的分析，不知道同學(xué)們是否也會(huì)有所收獲?其實(shí)開(kāi)頭段，自是不必非得寫(xiě)的那叫一個(gè)傾國(guó)傾城。簡(jiǎn)單大方，信息全面，能夠統(tǒng)領(lǐng)全文，那就最好。你，懂得了嗎?
雅思作文這樣批，你懂的---系列二
People have, in recent years, shown concern on the dire consequences of global warming and air pollution. Some people suggest that we should limit are travel (traveling) instead of car use. It seems to me that the objection against air travel is based on incorrect facts and stereotypes. (The) Vehicle is an integral segment of urban industrial civilization, mirroring contemporary life, in its best and unrest aspects.
Just as machinery is integral to industrialization, air is central to world economy. (有邏輯關(guān)系嗎?)Air travels make it possible for people to move around the world freely and quickly. Today, the tips can be completed in a matter of hours. One can attend a meeting in Pairs and dinner in New York the same day. There is a growing recognition that air travels have several advantages, while(連接詞使用有誤，改成meanwhile)it can (補(bǔ)上主語(yǔ)) ensures(刪掉s)the growth of modern business such as international tourism, transportation and express delivery ,etc. Therefore, limiting air travel itself is a grave mistake ，that(非限定從句引導(dǎo)詞改成which)would be a severe blow to these industries and may even damage world economy. 蘇州小學(xué)生語(yǔ)文培訓(xùn)，（TEl:181-1815-9898）蘇州易優(yōu)閱讀寫(xiě)作同步提升
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