原文：
Personal Statement
My name is XXX. I am a sophomore student studying in Pursuit Science Class- food safety and nutrition of Chu Kochen Honors College Zhejiang University China. I have a dream that I can be a qualified and high-end talents in food field who owns innovative quality and international vision, grasps basic theories of modern food science, has abilities of scientific research and technical management.
In the past two years, I have learned the basic knowledge of food safety and nutrition. I performed well in the study, so I win the first-class scholarship in National Based Talents and second-class scholarship of Outstanding Students. What' more, I participate in many community activities during the two years. The most unforgettable activity is that I went to a remote town at the foot of the hill to teach children the knowledge of plant protection and food safety voluntarily during the summer vocation. I remembered that the children in the town were very shy the first time we met and it's hard for me to communicate with these children. However, through my hardworking we got familiar with each other day after day and became good friends finally. Through this experience I felt the goodness to share knowledge with them and learned the communication skills. 蘇州易優(yōu)語(yǔ)文培訓(xùn)，中小學(xué)閱讀寫(xiě)作同步提升 http://www.zequeka.cn/miniform.html
Now I think it could be better to broaden my horizon if I have a chance to study abroad for a period time. I am interested in the food nutrition very much and I want to be a nutritionist in the future. Through the Internet, I get to know that Food Science and Biology of your university is really great. what's more I also desire to learn the microbiological knowledge in the food field. Thus I want to apply for your honorable university.
If I am admitted, I will apply my effort into achieving the following goals:
(1) To acquire more knowledge of nutrition in foods. I plan to take Principles of Nutrition in the fall semester. I will read the related books ahead of time to prepare for this course. What's more, during the course , I will make full use of the librarian to find useful information to study.
(2) To advance my understanding of food industry. During the fall semester, I plan to go out to visit American food factories to know exactly the current situation of food industry. And I will combine knowledge and practical situation together to innovate.
蘇州易優(yōu)吳老師中考語(yǔ)文閱讀寫(xiě)作培訓(xùn)（TEL:181-1815-9898）
(3) To improve my interpersonal abilities. I am an introverted person, so I want to improve my interpersonal abilities through making friends with unacquainted people in the campus.
批改后：
Personal Statement
My name is XXX. I am a sophomore student studying in Pursuit Science Class- food safety and nutrition of Chu Kochen Honors College Zhejiang University China. I have a dream that I can be a qualified and high-end talents in food field who owns innovative quality and international vision, grasps basic theories of modern food science, has abilities of scientific research and technical management.(這一段比起自我介紹，更加好的是as a student majoring in XXX at XXX university, I would like to apply for your XX program. 然后接上你學(xué)習(xí)這個(gè)專業(yè)的MOTIVATION)
In the past two years, I have learned the basic knowledge of food safety and nutrition. I performed well in the study, so I win the first-class scholarship in National Based Talents and second-class scholarship of Outstanding Students.(PS不是簡(jiǎn)歷的擴(kuò)寫(xiě)，所以這些東西不如換成你具體學(xué)了哪些課程，學(xué)得了什么) What' more, I participate in many community activities during the two years. The most unforgettable activity is that I went to a remote town at the foot of the hill to teach children the knowledge of plant protection and food safety voluntarily during the summer vocation.(例舉一些簡(jiǎn)單的小例子會(huì)更加好) I remembered that the children in the town were very shy the first time we met and it's hard for me to communicate with these children. However, through my hardworking we got familiar with each other day after day and became good friends finally. Through this experience I felt the goodness to share knowledge with them and learned the communication skills. 易優(yōu)語(yǔ)文培訓(xùn)，（TeL:181-1815-9898）蘇州閱讀寫(xiě)作同步提升
Now I think it could be better to broaden my horizon if I have a chance to study abroad for a period time. I am interested in the food nutrition very much and I want to be a nutritionist in the future. Through the Internet, I get to know that Food Science and Biology of your university is really great.(好在哪里呢，要具體說(shuō)下，是環(huán)境，還是大牛老師，還是有錢(qián)?)what's more I also desire to learn the microbiological knowledge in the food field. Thus I want to apply for your honorable university.
If I am admitted, I will apply my effort into achieving the following goals:盡量不要用這種標(biāo)題吧，用連接詞比較好。
(1) To acquire more knowledge of nutrition in foods. I plan to take Principles of Nutrition in the fall semester. I will read the related books ahead of time to prepare for this course. What's more, during the course , I will make full use of the librarian to find useful information to study.
(2) To advance my understanding of food industry. During the fall semester, I plan to go out to visit American food factories to know exactly the current situation of food industry. And I will combine knowledge and practical situation together to innovate. 蘇州吳中區(qū)小學(xué)生語(yǔ)文提優(yōu)，蘇州名校沖刺培訓(xùn)，（Tel:181-1815-9898）20余年輔導(dǎo)經(jīng)驗(yàn)，每年都有數(shù)十個(gè)成功案例。
(3) To improve my interpersonal abilities. I am an introverted person, so I want to improve my interpersonal abilities through making friends with unacquainted people in the campus.這個(gè)是短期計(jì)劃，還可以適當(dāng)考慮做個(gè)長(zhǎng)期的PLAN,增加完整度
