Now young children are under extreme academic pressure. For example, they have to spend more than 5 hours everyday on homework before they go to bed.
What cause them to do so? What kinds of specific pressure are they? Suggest some ways to change it if possible.
Sample Answer
Children Under Pressure
1) Our teachers assign too much work, our parents push their children too far, and our students drive themselves too hard. The present competition for academic security, career security and financial security is putting enormous pressure on young children. There are three kinds of pressure working on them. (通過描寫引出要討論的現(xiàn)象：小孩子的學(xué)習(xí)相當緊張，并指出其原因是壓力太大)
2) The most evident pressure is self-induced pressure.(主題句).To be on the list of the top students, and to compete for few places key schools or prestigious universities can offer, they study more and play less. They are doing too much homework while joining fewer school organizations, taking part in fewer social activities, and sleeping fewer hours. They are under pressure to do too much work in too little time. (最表面上的壓力：是自己造成的壓力，要在競爭中成績名列前茅，不得不比別人多做題目)
蘇州少兒書法培訓(xùn)，推薦<A http://www.zequeka.cn/Miniform/tYpe_3.html>易優(yōu)少兒書法培訓(xùn)</a>，語文成績好，書法少不了。
3) Along with the self-induced pressure goes peer pressure.(承上啟下------前半句承上，后半句啟下)If they learn all their friends are studying into midnight, they will feel guilty if they watch TV a little or go to bed earlier. For them the only way to overcome the fear of being left behind by other students who are working hard and doing better is to study harder still.(第二種壓力：來自于同伴的壓力，看到別人拼命用功，自己不敢松懈)
4) Parental pressure also plays a part.(主題句)Our parents, well educated or not, all want their children to go to college and steer them towards a secure future. To achieve the aim they send their children to the best schools and have the best tutors at any price. Our children have no way but to work harder to justify the expensive education to their parents and to live up to their expectation.(第三種壓力：來自學(xué)生背后家長的壓力)
5) The fault is not with our children, nor with our parents or teachers, but with our value. The flowerbed in which we expect them to germinate is too narrow. We will stunt their growth if we continue to tell them that there is only one right way to get through their education even to get through life.(最后歸納：根本原因不在于學(xué)生或家長，而是我們的社會價值觀念)
在線批改作文，<a href=http://www.zequeka.cn/jiaoshoulanmu/>易優(yōu)名師作文批改</a>
＊ 閃光點＊
1. 連貫性強： 第一段There are three kinds of pressure working on them. 已把文章各段串連了起來，而第二段The most evident pressure is self-induced pressure, 第三段Along with the self-induced pressure goes peer pressure, 第四段Parental pressure also plays a part, 第五段The fault is not with our children, nor with our parents or teachers, but with our value 的起始句又把段與段連接了起來。
2. 修辭比喻： steer them towards a secure future(steer 比喻孩子為船只，引導(dǎo)他們在大海中前進)；The flowerbed in which we expect them to germinate is too narrow. (讓他們發(fā)芽成長的花壇太小)
3. 疊言重復(fù)：academic security; career security and financial security; the best schools and have the best tutors
4. 平行排比: Our teacher assign too much work, our parents push their children too far, and our students driver themselves too hard; joining fewer school organizations, taking part in fewer social activities, and sleeping fewer hours. 在線批改作文，<a href=http://www.zequeka.cn/jiaoshoulanmu/>易優(yōu)名師作文批改</a>
5. 用詞變化： key schools— best school—prestigious universities; study hard— work hard— do too much homework— study more; join—take part in
6. 詞匯亮點：assign much homework, put enormous pressure on, compete for, along with… goes, be under pressure, justify the cost, steer sb. toward, live up to, be left behind, stun the growth
