中考英語(yǔ)滿分作文解析（3） <a hRef=http://www.zequeka.cn/MiNiFoRm.html>蘇州中考作文培訓(xùn)</a>
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假如你是晨光中學(xué)的學(xué)生李華，平時(shí)堅(jiān)持用英語(yǔ)寫(xiě)日記。請(qǐng)根據(jù)以下要點(diǎn)，描述你星期三放學(xué)乘地鐵回家路上看到的事情，并表達(dá)自己的想法。
(1)一個(gè)男孩不舒服，開(kāi)始嘔吐，一位穿著漂亮的女士幫著擦拭地面，男孩表達(dá)感謝。
(2)地鐵到站，有人擠向座位，有人下不去車，有人因此爭(zhēng)吵。
(3)你認(rèn)為….
參考詞匯：開(kāi)始嘔吐 begin to vomit 擠向座位 push towards the sea 爭(zhēng)吵 have a quarrel
要求：
(1)詞數(shù)：80～100個(gè).
(2)日記格式和開(kāi)頭已給出，不計(jì)入總詞數(shù)
(3)要點(diǎn)齊全，行文連貫，可適當(dāng)發(fā)揮
Wednesday
When I took the underground back home from school，I noticed.____________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
描述一件你親眼所見(jiàn)道德類型的事情，然后針對(duì)這件事情發(fā)表自己的看法，提倡積極正能量的好人好事，批評(píng)負(fù)能量的行為，可見(jiàn)夾敘夾議類型的文章仍然是中考比較青睞的一種話題。寫(xiě)作時(shí)要圍繞內(nèi)容提示寫(xiě)出事件的過(guò)程，不可與所給內(nèi)容不符，胡編亂造。在寫(xiě)作這類試題時(shí)，要根據(jù)短文的中心思想考慮如何開(kāi)頭、展開(kāi)和結(jié)尾，設(shè)想幾個(gè)承上啟下的連詞，將主要句型、關(guān)鍵詞語(yǔ)草草記下，形成提綱，切忌結(jié)時(shí)構(gòu)分散，廢話連篇，嚴(yán)重跑題。
Wednesday
When I took the underground back home from school, I noticed two things around me．
The first thing I met is about a boy. The boy didn't feel well. He began to vomit. A beautiful girl saw the boy. She helped him clean the floor. Then the boy thanked her for helping. The second thing is about the underground. When the underground got to the station, a lot of people pushed towards the seat. So some people couldn’t get off the underground. Some had a quarrel because of this.
In my opinion, the girl did a good thing and we appreciated her action in this society. As for the underground. It shows your quality there. If you wait in a line，others will get off the underground easily. If all of us can do in this way, our world will be more beautiful.
【名師點(diǎn)評(píng)】
這篇作文能夠仔細(xì)審題，按照題目中給出的提示，采用日記的形式來(lái)寫(xiě)，形式正確。文章要求將自己當(dāng)作李華來(lái)寫(xiě)，人稱為第一人稱。這篇作文中的內(nèi)容符合題目要求，主要是描述你星期三放學(xué)乘地鐵回家路上看到的事情，并表達(dá)了自己的想法。作者用一般過(guò)去時(shí)簡(jiǎn)單介紹了兩個(gè)事件發(fā)生的過(guò)程，第一個(gè)事件一個(gè)男孩不舒服，開(kāi)始嘔吐，一位穿著漂亮的女士幫著擦拭地面，男孩表達(dá)感謝。第二件事地鐵到站，有人擠向座位，有人下不去車，有人因此爭(zhēng)吵。最后作者發(fā)表了自己的觀點(diǎn)，In my opinion, the girl did a good thing...贊揚(yáng)了女士的高尚品質(zhì)，樂(lè)于助人。同時(shí)呼吁人們遵守規(guī)則，做一個(gè)有道德素質(zhì)的人，讓世界更美好。這篇作文圍繞題目提示，寫(xiě)出了所有要點(diǎn)；時(shí)態(tài)準(zhǔn)確，并能圍繞內(nèi)容適當(dāng)發(fā)揮。層次清楚，用詞準(zhǔn)確、句子通順、行文連貫，為一篇優(yōu)秀的作文。
【寫(xiě)作亮點(diǎn)】
本文的高分句型主要有以下三個(gè)：（1）高分句型一：She helped him clean the floor. help sb. do sth. 幫某人做某事。這句話意為：她幫助他打掃干凈地面。（2）高分句型二： the boy thanked her for helping.thank sb. for ...因某事感謝某人。這句話意為：男孩對(duì)她的幫助表示感謝。（3）高分句型三： If you wait in a line，others will get off the underground easily. If all of us can do in this way，our world will be more beautiful. If引導(dǎo)的條件狀語(yǔ)從句，遵循"主將從現(xiàn)"原則，即主句用一般將來(lái)時(shí)，從句用一般現(xiàn)在時(shí)態(tài)。表達(dá)了作者對(duì)地鐵上一些人做法的批評(píng)，呼吁人們遵守規(guī)則，希望世界將會(huì)變得更加美好。
例題
請(qǐng)你根據(jù)以下內(nèi)容提示，以＂The Story of Li Hua＂為題，為學(xué)校廣播站英語(yǔ)專欄寫(xiě)一篇短文，介紹發(fā)生在你班同學(xué)李華身上的一件事。
（1）上周五放學(xué)后李華乘公交車回家，看到有人在吃橘子，并把橘皮扔在車上。
（2）李華把橘皮撿起，放進(jìn)垃圾桶。
（3）乘客用手機(jī)拍了照片，發(fā)布到網(wǎng)上。
（4）老師知道后表?yè)P(yáng)了李華，李華說(shuō)這是他應(yīng)該做的。
（5）你覺(jué)得……
參考詞匯：果皮peel 垃圾桶dustbin 發(fā)布post 表?yè)P(yáng)praise
要求：
（1）詞數(shù)：80—100個(gè)。
（2）短文的題目和開(kāi)頭已給出，不計(jì)入總詞數(shù)。
（3）要點(diǎn)齊全，行文連貫，可適當(dāng)發(fā)揮。
The Story of Li Hua
Last Friday, when my classmate Li Hua took a bus back home from school. ___________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
根據(jù)所給材料提示展開(kāi)寫(xiě)作，文體為記敘文，話題是發(fā)生在身邊的人和事，貼近生活，而且所給故事具有教育意義。這次的題目學(xué)生不會(huì)感到陌生，需要注意的是時(shí)態(tài)應(yīng)該選擇一般過(guò)去時(shí)，注意布置好文章結(jié)構(gòu)和段落。羅列過(guò)程中不僅要注意時(shí)態(tài)、人稱及短語(yǔ)、句型等的正確使用，更要注意拓展內(nèi)容的準(zhǔn)確性。
The Story of Li Hua
Last Friday, when my classmate Li Hua took a bus home from school, he saw that someone was eating an orange. To his surprise, that man just threw the peel on the ground after he had it.
Without thinking twice, Li Hua picked up the orange peel and threw it into the dustbin directly. All of the process was taken photos and posted on the Internet by a passenger. As a result, our teacher knew his good behaviour and praised him because of what he did at the class meeting. Li Hua was very humble and said he just did what he should do. We were all impressed by his words.
As far as I am concerned, the man who threw the orange peel around was not a good example, but luckily Li Hua set a good one for us. We are supposed to mind our behaviours and protect the environment around us all the time.
本文體裁屬于寫(xiě)人敘事類作文，考生需要認(rèn)真審題，弄清試題提供的所有信息，明確有哪些要點(diǎn)。明確題目要求后才能確定文章主題、體裁、人稱和時(shí)態(tài)等。然后構(gòu)思語(yǔ)境，拓展要點(diǎn)提示。寫(xiě)作過(guò)程中要注意書(shū)寫(xiě)工整，語(yǔ)言表達(dá)流暢連貫，盡量用最熟悉的、最有把握的詞匯和基本句型，如果遇到不會(huì)的詞匯，可以找同類詞或短語(yǔ)替換。同時(shí)要符合地道的英語(yǔ)表達(dá)習(xí)慣，避免漢式英語(yǔ)。
本文是一篇比較優(yōu)秀的作文，包含所有要點(diǎn)；時(shí)態(tài)準(zhǔn)確，并能圍繞內(nèi)容適當(dāng)發(fā)揮，運(yùn)用豐富的語(yǔ)言結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯，用詞準(zhǔn)確、句子通順、行文連貫、表達(dá)清楚。首先,根據(jù)所給題目＂The Story of Li Hua＂可確定本文體裁為記敘文，描述的是過(guò)去發(fā)生的事情，所以時(shí)態(tài)為一般過(guò)去時(shí)。文章首先開(kāi)門(mén)見(jiàn)山的交代了事情發(fā)生的時(shí)間Last Friday，起因＂有人把橘皮扔在車上， To his surprise, that man just threw the peel on the ground after he had it. ＂。接著展開(kāi)敘事經(jīng)過(guò)＂李華把橘皮撿起，放進(jìn)垃圾桶Without thinking twice, Li Hua picked up the orange peel and threw it into the dustbin directly.＂因?yàn)?/span>乘客用手機(jī)拍了照片，發(fā)布到網(wǎng)上All of the process was taken photos and posted on the Internet by a passenger. 結(jié)果老師表?yè)P(yáng)了他As a result, our teacher knew his good behaviour and praised him because of what he did at the class meeting.最后表達(dá)自己的感受，我們應(yīng)該向李華學(xué)習(xí)，注意自己的言行，保護(hù)環(huán)境 We are supposed to mind our behaviours and protect the environment around us all the time.這篇文章大量地使用了一些固定短語(yǔ)，To his surprise, Without thinking twice, As a result, As far as I am concerned使文章的表達(dá)更富有邏輯性，更有條理，結(jié)構(gòu)完整。
例題
英國(guó)學(xué)生Frank八月底將要來(lái)到天津并住在李明家。請(qǐng)根據(jù)以下提示，以李明的名義給Frank寫(xiě)一封電子郵件。
（1）Frank到來(lái)前，你們會(huì)給他準(zhǔn)備好房間。
（2）你爸爸送你們上學(xué)，媽媽做美味的食物。
（3）周末你們會(huì)邀請(qǐng)Frank游覽天津，如逛古文化街、乘船游海河。
（4）Frank喜歡打排球，你們可以一起看天津女排比賽。
（5）你相信......
參考詞匯： 古文化街 Tianjin Ancient Cultural Street
海河 Haihe River
天津女排 Tianjin Women’s Volleyball Team
要求：
（1）詞數(shù)：80—100個(gè)。
（2）電子郵件的開(kāi)頭和結(jié)尾已給出，不計(jì)入總詞數(shù)。
（3）要點(diǎn)齊全，行文連貫，可適當(dāng)發(fā)揮。
Dear Frank，
I’m happy to hear that at the end of August you will come to Tianjin to study and stay with my family．I'm writing to say welcome to you．Before you arrive，________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Looking forward to seeing you soon．
Li Ming
要求學(xué)生根據(jù)題目提供的信息，給英國(guó)學(xué)生Frank寫(xiě)一篇電子郵件，故文體為應(yīng)用文。話題仍貼近學(xué)生的實(shí)際生活，讓學(xué)生有話可說(shuō)，同時(shí)要求學(xué)生可適當(dāng)發(fā)揮。考查學(xué)生的思想深度和語(yǔ)言能力，宣傳中國(guó)的特色文化和風(fēng)土人情。
Dear Frank，
I'm happy to hear that at the end of August you will come to Tianjin to study and stay with my family．I'm writing to say welcome to you．Before you arrive，we will prepare a nice room for you so that you can live comfortably．My father will take you to school，my mum will make delicious food for you．At weekends，we will show you around Tianjin，such as visiting Tianjin Ancient Cultural Street and taking a boat along Haihe River．We know you like playing volleyball，we can watch the Tianjin Women's Volleyball Team Games together．I believe you will have a good time．
Looking forward to seeing you soon．
Li Ming
【名師點(diǎn)評(píng)】
這是一篇應(yīng)用文，寫(xiě)一篇電子郵件。根據(jù)題目?jī)?nèi)容可知人稱為第一人稱。作文提示中給出了五條提示材料和三個(gè)提示詞語(yǔ)，前四條要求學(xué)生根據(jù)提示來(lái)寫(xiě)，最后一條要求學(xué)生可以適當(dāng)發(fā)揮。動(dòng)筆前要認(rèn)真閱讀材料，不要遺漏要點(diǎn)。根據(jù)材料內(nèi)容可知本文主要是用一般將來(lái)時(shí)來(lái)寫(xiě)。首先，Frank到來(lái)前，你們會(huì)給他準(zhǔn)備好房間Before you arrive，we will prepare a nice room for you so that you can live comfortably；接著介紹了“爸爸送我們上學(xué)，媽媽做美味的食物My father will take you to school，my mum will make delicious food for you．”。然后介紹了周末你們會(huì)邀請(qǐng)Frank游覽天津At weekends，we will show you around Tianjin”和一起看天津女排比賽的活動(dòng)安排。最后表達(dá)自己的希冀，會(huì)玩得開(kāi)心。寫(xiě)作中要注意敘述的順序，要符合邏輯關(guān)系，文章層級(jí)清楚，語(yǔ)句連貫，語(yǔ)言準(zhǔn)確。
【寫(xiě)作亮點(diǎn)】
這是一篇比較優(yōu)秀的作文，本文覆蓋所有內(nèi)容要點(diǎn)；語(yǔ)言表達(dá)要符合英語(yǔ)習(xí)慣，準(zhǔn)確運(yùn)用時(shí)態(tài)，上下文意思連貫，用詞準(zhǔn)確、句子通順、行文連貫。其中“Before you arrive，we will prepare a nice room for you ”和“so that you can live comfortably”你到來(lái)之前我們會(huì)準(zhǔn)備好房間那樣你可以住的舒適．分別運(yùn)用了before引導(dǎo)的時(shí)間狀語(yǔ)從句和so that引導(dǎo)的目的狀語(yǔ)從句，豐富了文章的句型結(jié)構(gòu)，同時(shí)也體現(xiàn)了作者對(duì)從句的掌握，顯示了作者的寫(xiě)作水平。另外文章末尾，I believe you will have a good time我相信你會(huì)玩得很開(kāi)心．believe后是省略了that的賓語(yǔ)從句，升華主題，簡(jiǎn)單明了的表達(dá)作者的美好愿望。
《中考英語(yǔ)滿分作文解析（3）》添加時(shí)間：2025-01-13；更新時(shí)間：2025-03-15
