中考英語(yǔ)滿分作文解析（9） <a hRef=http://www.zequeka.cn/miNiform.html>蘇州閱讀寫(xiě)作培訓(xùn)</a>
文段表達(dá) <a hRef=htTps://Www.EuZw.nE/miNifoRm.Html>蘇州初中語(yǔ)文補(bǔ)習(xí)</a>
據(jù)悉，我國(guó)青少年的近視率居全球第一，70%的學(xué)生有視力方面的問(wèn)題．為引起廣大青少年的重視，某英語(yǔ)報(bào)刊正在開(kāi)展以" Saving Our Eyesight"為題的征文活動(dòng)．請(qǐng)根據(jù)以下提示寫(xiě)一篇短文投稿，分析造成青少年近視的原因并提出保護(hù)視力的合理建議． <a Href=http://www.zequeka.cn/minifoRm.html>蘇州作文輔導(dǎo)班</a>
要求：
1．語(yǔ)句通順，意思連貫，語(yǔ)法正確，書(shū)寫(xiě)規(guī)范．
2．所有提示須全部用上，并作適當(dāng)發(fā)揮．
3．文中不得出現(xiàn)真實(shí)的人名、校名、地名．
4. 80詞左右（文章開(kāi)頭和結(jié)尾已給出，不計(jì)入總詞數(shù)）．
Saving Our Eyesight
As the saying goes， "Eyes are the window to the soul（心靈 ） "However， 70% of us have poor eyesight． What has caused this problem？______________________________________________________
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In a word， lets take care of our eyes so that we can see our bright future．
作文以“保護(hù)視力”為話題，話題貼近學(xué)生生活?，F(xiàn)在學(xué)生視力下降已經(jīng)成為一個(gè)比較嚴(yán)重的問(wèn)題，同時(shí)也受到了社會(huì)的關(guān)注，是一個(gè)常見(jiàn)的話題。學(xué)生在寫(xiě)作時(shí)可以聯(lián)系自己的生活實(shí)際，使學(xué)生可以有話可說(shuō)，本話題難度較低。學(xué)生在寫(xiě)作時(shí)一定要注意表達(dá)邏輯清楚，思路清晰，注意語(yǔ)言生動(dòng)，多用有亮點(diǎn)的句型。
Saving Our Eyesight
As the saying goes，"Eyes are the window to the soul（心靈 ） "However， 70% of us have poor eyesight． What has caused this problem？ The main reason is the bad habits of using eyes．For example， many of us read in wrong positions，such as reading in bed or keeping our eyes too close to the book．Besides，taking less exercise can also cause poor eyesight． What's more， some of us spend too much time playing computer games or watching TV．It's bad for our eyes． So how can we protect our eyes？Here is some advice on how to protect our eyes．
First，we should be cautious on the health of using eyes．We should not keep our eyes working for a long time． While reading ，we should keep the book about a foot away from us．After reading for an hour or two，we had better have a rest by looking at the plants in the distance．Second，using less electronic products is a good way to protect our eyes． Besides，we should see green plants as often as possible．Finally， remember to do eye﹣protecting exercises or do more outdoor sports， which will help us keep good eyesight．
In a word，let's take care of our eyes so that we can see our bright future．
【名師點(diǎn)評(píng)】
作文要求介紹保護(hù)視力的重要性和方法，文體為說(shuō)明文；說(shuō)明介紹類(lèi)文章主要用一般現(xiàn)在時(shí)；本文要求談?wù)勅绾伪Ｗo(hù)視力，所以主要使用第一人稱; 詞數(shù)不少于70詞，開(kāi)頭和結(jié)尾已給出，但不計(jì)入總詞數(shù)，文中不得出現(xiàn)真實(shí)的人名、校名。 整體邏輯清晰,有條理; 讓人讀起來(lái)思路很清晰。
為提升作文的整體水平，應(yīng)注意使用一些高級(jí)詞匯、短語(yǔ)以及復(fù)合句、非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞等復(fù)雜結(jié)構(gòu)。同時(shí)語(yǔ)句之間使用恰當(dāng)?shù)倪B接成分，使文意上下連貫，表達(dá)流暢。
【寫(xiě)作亮點(diǎn)】
這是一篇優(yōu)秀的作文，學(xué)生能聯(lián)系自己的實(shí)際生活，展開(kāi)合理的論述。短文作者根據(jù)題目要求以保護(hù)我們的視力為主題，采用一般現(xiàn)在時(shí)態(tài)，作文對(duì)學(xué)生視力下降的原因做了分析，“The main reason is the bad habits of using eyes．For example...k．Besides... What's more，...．”條理清楚，語(yǔ)言生動(dòng)，第二段，給出了具體的建議，語(yǔ)篇內(nèi)容完整。文中多處使用連接詞，高級(jí)詞匯、句型。如【高分句型一】 Besides，we should see green plants as often as possible．【高分句型一】Finally， remember to do eye﹣protecting exercises or do more outdoor sports， which will help us keep good eyesight．結(jié)尾：表達(dá)愿望 呼吁大家保護(hù)好視力。
例題
梁玲同學(xué)是你校初三（1）班的學(xué)生。她家境貧寒，但她勇于面對(duì)困難、主動(dòng)承擔(dān)家 務(wù)且刻苦學(xué)習(xí)，大家都很喜歡并敬佩她。作為學(xué)校英文報(bào)刊記者，你對(duì)她進(jìn)行了采訪。請(qǐng)根據(jù)下面的采訪筆記寫(xiě)一篇關(guān)于她的報(bào)道。
要求：
1. 語(yǔ)句通順，意思連貫， 語(yǔ)法正確，書(shū)寫(xiě)規(guī)范；
2. 必須包含所給提示，并做適當(dāng)發(fā)揮；
3. 行文中不得出現(xiàn)真實(shí)人名、校名或地名；
4. 詞數(shù) 80 左右。（短文的開(kāi)頭和結(jié)尾已給出，不計(jì)入總詞數(shù)）
something about her
something we can learn:face difficulties, …
from a poor family
Liang Ling, a 14-year-old girl, is a student in Class 1, Grade 9. She comes from…
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She is great. Let’s wish her a better future.
文體為議論文，根據(jù)題目提供的信息，介紹梁玲。話題仍貼近學(xué)生的實(shí)際生活，讓學(xué)生有話可說(shuō)。體現(xiàn)了注重學(xué)生的道德素養(yǎng)，鼓勵(lì)學(xué)生全面發(fā)展的人文主義價(jià)值觀，描寫(xiě)人物類(lèi)的作文時(shí)中考常考的作文話題之一。所以本文的難度一般，學(xué)生在寫(xiě)作時(shí)要注意圍繞文章主題，介紹梁玲的情況，可以適當(dāng)發(fā)揮。
Liang Ling，a 14-year-old girl，is a student in Class 1，Grade 9．She comes from a poor family．Since she was a little girl，she has cared for her family．Every day Liang Ling helps with the cooking，cleaning and washing. I asked her whether she was tired of doing so much housework．"Not really．"She smiled．"I've got used to it．"Though she is busy，she studies hard and gets good grades．What's more，she is always ready to help others．Everyone likes her because of her kindness．In our eyes，she always faces difficulties bravely．No matter how hard the life is，she never gives up．
She is great．Let's wish her a better future．
【名師點(diǎn)評(píng)】
本篇寫(xiě)作需注意要求中所提供的要點(diǎn)介紹梁玲同學(xué)，“她家境貧寒，但她勇于面對(duì)困難、主動(dòng)承擔(dān)家 務(wù)且刻苦學(xué)習(xí)”。另外要根據(jù)所給的英文提示展開(kāi)描述，介紹梁玲基本信息（something about her）,我們從她身上學(xué)到的優(yōu)點(diǎn)（something we can learn:face difficulties），寫(xiě)作中注意不可遺漏，語(yǔ)義通順，需用到在平時(shí)積累相關(guān)的詞匯，符合邏輯關(guān)系．上下文之間可以適當(dāng)使用連接詞．如but，so，then等．介紹人物的現(xiàn)狀用一般現(xiàn)在時(shí)，過(guò)去的事情用一般過(guò)去時(shí)，未來(lái)的情況用一般將來(lái)時(shí)。避免人稱錯(cuò)誤：自我介紹時(shí)應(yīng)使用第一人稱，他人介紹時(shí)可用she， he或者they等。 避免句式單一：避免每個(gè)句子以I開(kāi)頭，或者同樣的主語(yǔ)。句子間或段落間應(yīng)注意使用相應(yīng)的連接詞。
【寫(xiě)作亮點(diǎn)】
本文是一篇優(yōu)秀的作文 。開(kāi)頭點(diǎn)明主題“She comes from a poor family．Since she was a little girl，she has cared for her family．她來(lái)自一個(gè)貧窮的家庭從小就照顧她的家人。” 正文部分詳細(xì)介紹梁玲短文用了一些短語(yǔ)和句式，如：I asked her whether she was tired of doing so much housework．我問(wèn)她是否厭倦了做這么多家務(wù)活． 這是一個(gè)whether引導(dǎo)的賓語(yǔ)從句，是否．
【高分句型一】I asked her whether she was tired of doing so much housework．我問(wèn)她是否厭倦了做這么多家務(wù)活． 這是一個(gè)whether引導(dǎo)的賓語(yǔ)從句?！靖叻志湫投?/span>Though she is busy，she studies hard and gets good grades．雖然她很忙，但她努力學(xué)習(xí)并取得好成績(jī)。本句為讓步狀語(yǔ)從句，注意though，雖然，后面不能和but連用．
《中考英語(yǔ)滿分作文解析（9）》添加時(shí)間：2025-01-13；更新時(shí)間：2025-03-15
