中考英語滿分作文解析（8） <a hReF=http://www.zequeka.cn/miNiform.html>蘇州吳中作文輔導(dǎo)班</a>
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Write a review（評論） of the following story in about 120 words． The review has to include the following points．（閱讀下面的故事，請根據(jù)下面的提示，寫出一篇約120詞的評論）．
<a href=http://www.zequeka.cn/miniform.html>蘇州語文作文閱讀培訓(xùn)</a>
（1）The title of your review．（你撰寫的評論的標(biāo)題．）
（2）Your idea（s）， examples and the reason（s） for unhappiness and happiness in the story．（你歸納的關(guān)于故事中幸福和不幸福的觀點(diǎn)，舉例子并說明原因．）
（3）Your idea（s） of happiness， examples for happiness in your daily life．（歸納你在日常生活中關(guān)于幸福的觀點(diǎn)，并舉例說明．）
（4）Your conclusion about happiness．（關(guān)于幸福的結(jié)論．）
（5）The words you may use．（你可能用到的詞） be satisfied with（對……滿意） desire n．欲望 contentment 知足 the key（關(guān)鍵） to happiness．
A long time ago， in a rich and beautiful country， there lived an unhappy king． He slept badly and didn't feel like eating． He often cried for no reason． This made the queen and his people worried． So they called a doctor to examine him．But he found nothing wrong with his body．He said what the king needed was the shirt of a happy person to wear．That would make him happy．
The prime minister was called to the palace． But when they explained the king's situation to him， he said，"Although I have a lot of power， it doesn't make me happy． I'm always worried about losing my power．"
Then the king's banker came to say， I'm afraid I'm not happy either． I have a lot of wealth， but I'm always worried about losing money． Someone tries to steal my money． Next， the palace singer was called to say， "I'm famous but I'm not happy because I'm worried about being followed by others． I can't be free．"
Finally， the top general was told to go out to find a happy man． He searched and searched but couldn't find anyone． Everyone seemed to have their own problems， and no one was truly happy． Just as he wanted to give up． he saw a poor man on the street． He was eating with his hands and singing happily to himself． The general went to him and said，"What makes you so happy？ You have no power， money， or fame．" The man said，"I have everything I want． and I don't want what I can't have． So I'm happy， and my song comes from the happiness in my heart． ""Can you give your shirt to me， I need it， "said the general．"What shirt？ I don' t have any shirts．"answered the man．
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作文要求根據(jù)題目中的小故事寫一篇評論，話題涉及現(xiàn)代人們對幸福的理解，體現(xiàn)了關(guān)注學(xué)生的成長，教育學(xué)生樹立正確的價值觀，符合社會主義價值觀的要求，屬于當(dāng)今社會的熱點(diǎn)話題之一。本文要求根據(jù)小故事寫出評論，要求學(xué)生能夠發(fā)表自己的觀點(diǎn)，難度要求較高。學(xué)生在寫作時要閱讀所給材料。
My Thoughts about Happiness
Power, wealth, and fame can't always make people happy. For example, the rich people were unhappy, because they are afraid of losing money, while the poor people was truly happy because he was satisfied with what he could have.
What can always make me happy？Happiness is always in my heart and is easy to find if I pay more attention to what I have. For instance, enjoying the beautiful sunshine after a cloudy day, getting a glass of water from mother when I am studying, getting help from my friends when I am in trouble and so on. These are the moments when I am happy.
All in all, don't think about what you can't have. Contentment is the key to happiness.
【名師點(diǎn)評】
這是一篇要求寫評論的文章，根據(jù)下面的故事中的相關(guān)信息寫出一篇約120詞的評論。所提供的材料中列舉了撰寫的評論的標(biāo)題。主要從：（1）歸納的關(guān)于故事中幸福和不幸福的觀點(diǎn)，舉例子并說明原因。（2）歸納你在日常生活中關(guān)于幸福的觀點(diǎn)，并舉例說明；（3）關(guān)于幸福的結(jié)論。這幾個方面去介紹。時態(tài)為一般過去時，人稱為第一人稱。注意評論中必須包含材料上的故事情節(jié)，并適當(dāng)發(fā)揮。寫作時，避免使用漢語式的英語，盡量使用我們熟悉的句子或短語。語法要正確，表達(dá)要符合英語習(xí)慣，注意時態(tài)、時間狀語的搭配及主謂一致問題。寫作中適當(dāng)使用連詞，注意上下文聯(lián)系緊密，符合邏輯關(guān)系，表達(dá)具有條理性。
【寫作亮點(diǎn)】
這是一篇優(yōu)秀的作文，短文作者根據(jù)題目要求，緊扣主題，根據(jù)事實(shí)寫出自己感受．靈活運(yùn)用平時學(xué)習(xí)的句子和句型，寫出了自己對幸福的理解。短文有以下幾個優(yōu)點(diǎn)：首先文章內(nèi)容完整，結(jié)構(gòu)清晰，符合題目要求。其次本文運(yùn)用了一些亮點(diǎn)句型，為文章提分不少。（1）高分句型一 For example，the rich people were unhappy, because they are afraid of losing money, while the poor people was truly happy because he was satisfied with what he could have.例如，富人不快樂，因?yàn)樗麄兒ε率ュX，而窮人真正快樂是因?yàn)樗麑ψ约核鶕碛械母械綕M足。句子because they are afraid of losing money是由because引導(dǎo)的原因狀語從句。
（2）高分句型二 All in all, don’t think about what you can't have. 總之，不要想你不能擁有的東西。句子what you can't have.作think about的賓語。
例題
Use the following information to write a paragraph about bees.
●Be as busy learning all their subjects as bees are busy gathering honey
●They have sharp stings(刺) to harm them and protect themselves.
●Wise and busy
●No gains
●Does its own work
●Driven from the hive to be stopped from eating the honey before winter comes
●Join together to build cells of wax（蠟質(zhì)房子） for their honey
●How busy they are always
●Don't work
●That have six sides and are all of one shape and size
●A house called a hive
●One queen
Bees live in… They are… There is… in each hive. They all… Each bee… They build cells… It’s pleasant to see… But drones… They are… Children shouldn’t touch bees… No pains… Shouldn’t children…
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作文要求學(xué)生介紹蜜蜂。文體為說明文。今年作文的主題從以往的關(guān)注人文轉(zhuǎn)至關(guān)注自然，屬于一個全新的視角，但本文已給出大量材料，學(xué)生只需認(rèn)真閱讀所給材料，有條理地去組織自己的語言。本文難度較低。介紹蜜蜂時應(yīng)注意語言表達(dá)清楚。
Bees live in a house called a hive. They are wise and busy. There is one queen in each hive. They all join together to build cells of wax(蠟質(zhì)房子) for their honey. Each bee does its own work. They build cells that have six sides and are all of one shape and size. It's pleasant to see how busy they are always, But drones don't work. They are driven from the hive to be stopped from eating the honey before winter comes. Children shouldn't touch bees because they have sharp stings(刺) to harm them and protect themselves. No pains, no gains. Shouldn't children be as busy learning all their subjects as bees are busy gathering honey?
【名師點(diǎn)評】
2018年山東棗莊中考作文為材料作文，本文主要描述蜜蜂的相關(guān)情況，是一篇說明文。題目中已經(jīng)給出了大量的信息，考生只需挑選其中的一些，然后有機(jī)地組合起來即可。在寫作時要注意不要完全按照題目給出信息的順序進(jìn)行描寫，要按照正常介紹事物的順序來寫作，比如先介紹屬性，然后是外表，接著是生活習(xí)性等。本文描述客觀事實(shí)，所以多使用一般現(xiàn)在時。注意敘述有條理，多用關(guān)聯(lián)詞，使行文連貫、通順。這篇作文的詞數(shù)為80-100，不得出現(xiàn)考生和相關(guān)人物的真實(shí)校名和姓名。
【寫作亮點(diǎn)】
這是一篇優(yōu)秀的作文。本文能根據(jù)題目中材料，語言簡潔準(zhǔn)確，行文連貫，不遺漏要點(diǎn)。本文體裁為說明文。分為三段式來介紹蜂巢。在文章的開頭：引出介紹的事物，蜜蜂是益蟲(a kind of beneficial insects)。第二段為文章的重點(diǎn)，具體描寫了蜜蜂的情況。1.聰明、勤勞的動物(wise and busy)；2.做事井井有條(in good order and well arranged)；3.建造蜂巢(build cells of wax)；結(jié)尾：聯(lián)系實(shí)際 要向蜜蜂學(xué)習(xí)，一分耕耘一分收獲(no pains, no gains)。文章語言表達(dá)要符合英語習(xí)慣，準(zhǔn)確運(yùn)用一般現(xiàn)在時。
例題
文段表達(dá)
Write a review of the following story in about 90 words. The review has to include the following points:
1. The name of your review.
2. The idea(s) of your review.
3. The reason(s) for your idea(s).
4. Something you decide after you consider all the information in the story.
“ Cock-a-doodle-doo!” cried the cock（公雞）. He stood in the farm-yard and cried aloud, so that all people might hear him. “Cock-a-diidke-doo! How useful I am, for I always get up first. And I cry about as soon as the sun rises to make all people in the house wake.”
“Cluck! Cluck! Cluck!”cried the hen from the yard. She was walking about with three pretty little chickens, and trying to find some food for them. “Cluck! Cluck! Cluck! I’m more useful than you. Almost every day I lay a nice fresh egg for my master’s （男主人）breakfast. Then think how useful I am to my mistress（女主人）. How many nice things does she make with my eggs for the children? She could not get on well without eggs.”
作文要求寫一篇評論。材料已給出，這就要求學(xué)生能認(rèn)真閱讀所給材料，確定作文的題目、主旨以及原因，考察學(xué)生對語言的實(shí)際應(yīng)用能力和思想深度難度較高。本文通過小故事要求學(xué)生能對生活中的一些現(xiàn)象進(jìn)行正確的分析，樹立正確的人生觀、價值觀。
The Use of the Cock and the hen
The cock is useful. He always gets up first and cries,“Cock-a-diidke-doo!”to wake all people in the house up. The hen is useful too.On the one hand,she tries to find food for pretty little chickens;on the other hand,she lays a nice fresh egg for her master’s breakfast.Her mistress makes many things with her eggs for the children.She could get on well with eggs.
In a word,both the cock and the hen are useful.It is wrong of them to see their own use only instead of seeing each other’s use.
【名師點(diǎn)評】
本文要求寫一篇評論，也是一篇材料作文，給出了一個小故事。我們要根據(jù)提示用自己的語言對公雞和母雞的行為做出評價，并要寫出自己這樣評價的理由。要注意所寫的句子符合英語表達(dá)習(xí)慣，不要遺漏要點(diǎn)，語言準(zhǔn)確。注意本文的時態(tài)為一般現(xiàn)在時態(tài)、時間狀語的搭配及主謂一致問題。寫作中適當(dāng)使用連詞，注意上下文聯(lián)系緊密，符合邏輯關(guān)系，表達(dá)具有條理性。
【寫作亮點(diǎn)】
這篇是一篇優(yōu)秀的作文，短文語句通順，表達(dá)準(zhǔn)確。本文能根據(jù)材料確定作文的題目，結(jié)構(gòu)完整，短文中用了一些復(fù)雜句式及短語如：get up起床；wake sb. up把某人叫醒；try to do sth,努力做某事；find food找到食物；it is+形容詞+介詞（of/for)+to do sth. 做某事對某人來說是怎樣的；此外還用了一些過渡句或短語，如：On the one hand, on the other hand, In a word等，使句子上下文過渡自然。
《中考英語滿分作文解析（8）》添加時間：2025-01-13；更新時間：2025-03-15
