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Last Wednesday, our class went to the city zoo for a field trip. We gathered at the school gate at 8 a.m., carrying small backpacks with snacks and water. Our teacher, Ms. Wang, told us to be quiet and not feed the animals—we all nodded and promised to follow the rules. 蘇州小學(xué)語文提優(yōu)培訓(xùn)，就找易優(yōu)吳老師，20余年輔導(dǎo)經(jīng)驗(yàn)，數(shù)百成功案例。（TEL:181-1815-9898）

First, we went to the panda house. There were two pandas, Tuantuan and Yuanyuan. They were sitting on the grass, eating bamboo slowly. Tuantuan held a bamboo shoot with its front paws, and Yuanyuan rolled on the ground like a big black-and-white ball. We took many photos; I even drew a quick picture of Tuantuan in my notebook. 蘇州易優(yōu)語文培訓(xùn)，閱讀寫作同步提升 http://www.zequeka.cn/mIniform.html

Next, we visited the monkey mountain. The monkeys were very active—some swung from tree to tree, some fought for bananas, and one little monkey looked at us and made funny faces. Ms. Wang told us that monkeys are very smart animals. We laughed loudly when a monkey stole a peanut from a visitor’s hand (but the visitor didn’t get angry).

蘇州小學(xué)語文提優(yōu)培訓(xùn)，就找易優(yōu)吳老師，20余年輔導(dǎo)經(jīng)驗(yàn)，數(shù)百成功案例。（TEL:181-1815-9898）

Then we went to the elephant area. A big elephant was spraying water with its trunk. The zookeeper told us that elephants use their trunks to drink water and pick up food. We stood far away and watched—it was amazing to see such a big animal move gently. 易優(yōu)語文培訓(xùn)，蘇州閱讀寫作同步提升 http://www.zequeka.cn/miniform.html

At 3 p.m., we had to leave. On the bus back to school, we talked about our favorite animals. I liked the pandas best because they were cute and gentle. This visit to the zoo was fun; I learned a lot about animals and hope to come again soon.

作文點(diǎn)評(píng)：
標(biāo)題點(diǎn)明 “參觀城市動(dòng)物園”，場(chǎng)景具體。內(nèi)容按 “出發(fā) — 熊貓館 — 猴山 — 大象區(qū) — 返程” 的游覽順序?qū)?，邏輯連貫，“First, Next, Then” 等過渡詞清晰串聯(lián)行程。細(xì)節(jié)如 “熊貓抱竹筍”“猴子搶香蕉”“大象噴水” 生動(dòng)有趣，符合小學(xué)生觀察視角。情感上，通過 “開心”“喜歡” 表達(dá)對(duì)動(dòng)物的喜愛，真實(shí)自然。缺點(diǎn)是 “大象區(qū)” 可補(bǔ)充更多知識(shí)，如大象的體重。改進(jìn)建議：在大象段落加 “Zookeeper 說這只大象有 5 噸重，相當(dāng)于 100 個(gè)小朋友的重量”，增加科普性。（182 字）