Last Saturday afternoon, I went to the supermarket with my mom. When we were walking near the toy area, I heard a small cry. I turned around and saw a little girl sitting on the floor, wiping her tears. 蘇州易優(yōu)語文培訓(xùn)，閱讀寫作同步提升 http://www.zequeka.cn/mIniform.html
I walked over to her and asked gently, “Little sister, why are you crying?” She looked up at me—she was about 4 years old, with big eyes full of tears. She said, “I… I can’t find my mom.” I sat down next to her and patted her shoulder, saying, “Don’t worry, we’ll help you find your mom.” My mom also came over and smiled at her, telling her not to be afraid. 易優(yōu)語文培訓(xùn)，蘇州閱讀寫作同步提升 http://www.zequeka.cn/miniform.html
First, we asked her what her mom looked like. She said her mom had long hair and wore a red coat. Then we took her to the supermarket’s customer service desk. The staff at the desk used the loudspeaker to announce: “A little girl is waiting at the customer service desk. Her mom has long hair and wears a red coat. Please come here quickly.” 蘇州易優(yōu)吳老師初中語文高效提分（Tel:181-1815-9898）
We waited with the little girl. She was still a little scared, so I took out my small toy rabbit from my bag and gave it to her. She held the rabbit and stopped crying. After about 10 minutes, a woman ran to the desk—she had long hair and a red coat! The little girl shouted “Mom!” and ran to her. The woman hugged her daughter tightly, looking very worried and then relieved. 易優(yōu)語文培訓(xùn)，（TeL:181-1815-9898）蘇州閱讀寫作同步提升
The woman thanked us many times, and I felt very happy. Helping others makes me feel good. I think we should always be kind to people in need.
作文點(diǎn)評：
標(biāo)題明確 “幫助迷路小女孩”，主題積極向上。內(nèi)容按 “發(fā)現(xiàn)女孩 — 詢問安慰 — 求助客服 — 母女團(tuán)聚 — 感悟” 展開，情節(jié)完整，“First, Then” 等過渡詞清晰串聯(lián)幫助過程。細(xì)節(jié)如 “遞玩具兔”“媽媽的外貌特征” 真實合理，體現(xiàn)作者的細(xì)心與善良。情感上，通過 “happy”“good” 表達(dá)助人后的成就感，升華 “善良” 主題。缺點(diǎn)是 “等待過程” 可加更多互動，如和女孩聊天。改進(jìn)建議：在等待段落加 “我和女孩聊她喜歡的玩具，她告訴我她最喜歡小兔子，這讓她更放松了”，豐富情節(jié)。（180 字）
